What happened?
Waist-high
Answering a call about winning a million dollars
Answering a call from your wife or girlfriend who tells you she's pregnant
Answering a call from your husband or boyfriend who tells you he's pregnant
Answering a call from someone who found your lost dog
Answering a call from your colleague who tells you he just sold the secret government nuclear detonation codes to a super nice guy named Vladimir
Taking a selfie
Answering a call about winning a million dollars
Who cares? Leave the phone where it’s at and go buy yourself a new one, and then maybe 6 more. One for each day of the week. Then send us one for, you know, giving you the idea.
Answering a call from your wife or girlfriend who tells you she's pregnant
Better get a handle on those “butterfingers”--babies don’t take drops any better than your likely smashed cell phone.
Answering a call from your husband or boyfriend who tells you he's pregnant
Wait, really? Wow. Use a payphone to call Maury or something, then use the compensation to get a new phone.
Answering a call from someone who found your lost dog
Hooray! This is such good news. Unfortunately, dogs don’t digest broken glass real well so you better sweep up your phone’s mess before he/she gets there.
Answering a call from your colleague who tells you he just sold the secret government nuclear detonation codes to a super nice guy named Vladimir
Leave phone. Find shelter. Will contact soon.
Taking a selfie
Hopefully the picture didn’t get saved anywhere cause you’re probably better off telling people you killed your phone doing literally anything but taking a selfie.
Higher....
Recreating the "I'm King of the World" scene from Titanic
Riding a roller coaster
Filming a wildfire from a helicopter
Skydiving
Space Walk
Recreating the "I'm King of the World" scene from Titanic
Much like Jack Dawson, the Heart of the Ocean, and your originality, your phone is long gone.
Riding a roller coaster
Whatever you do, don’t climb back into the roller coaster area to try and retrieve it. That’s got trouble written all over it. And probably “KEEP OUT”, too.
Filming a wildfire from a helicopter
Holy cow, that’s awesome, but shame on you for using a phone to film that. Get a zoom lens at least!
Skydiving
I’m pretty sure they warned you to leave your belongings back at the plane hanger, but at least now you’ve got a hard metal object hurtling towards Earth about to cause some severe brain damage to some unsuspecting person.
Space Walk
Chances are it’s fine, but if it starts floating towards Earth and its atmosphere you can count on it becoming a shooting star that some lucky kid will wish on, possibly wishing to get their own cell phone some day.
I mistook it for something other than a phone...
Used it to write a memo...with a pen.
Got a little too crazy with the "lightsaber" app.
Mistook it for a hammer.
Mistook it for a napkin
Mistook the "weight scale" app for an actual scale.
Used it to write a memo...with a pen
Oh come on, really? Unless you press super hard when you write your phone should be fine. A little scratched but working just fine, unlike your brain.
Got a little too crazy with the "Lightsaber" app
Yeah, we kinda did that too actually. Turn it over carefully, but pray your lightsaber battles aren’t over, padawan.
Mistook it for a hammer
In the off chance it does still work, use it to call your parents and tell them they have failed you.
Mistook it for a napkin
Should be fine. Get your eyes checked afterwards, though. And throw out all of your black, rectangular napkins.
Mistook the "weight scale" app for an actual weight scale
Use the amount of damage to the screen to estimate your weight: Light cracking = 0-50 pounds, difficult to read = 50-170 pounds, abolished = 170+
I left it in my pocket when I shouldn't have...
...and jumped into a pool.
...and it fell in the toilet
...and washed my pants.
...and it fell out while I was doing parkour.
...and jumped into a pool.
Come on, removing your phone is like the first thing you do before jumping into water. The drowning child can wait!
...and it fell into the toilet.
We’ve all had this nightmare, sure. But I’d recommend telling people you were rescuing a drowning child and just couldn’t wait to remove it from your pocket.
...and washed my pants.
Well at least it'll smell Downy soft.
...and it fell out while I was doing parkour.
Yeah, your phone is most likely broken so you should probab--Wait, you know parkour!? Are you from 2008??
Unexpected sinkhole
Don’t jump in after it, but if you do, be sure to put yourself in a hilarious pose. You’ll make a great fossil.
Lightning strike
If they can pry the phone from your charred hand, sell it on eBay under “indistinguishable rectangle.”
Tornado
If you have a phone-tracking app set up, you might as well track it down, then get some help removing it from the side of a tree.
Spontaneous Combustion
Of you or the phone? If it’s the phone, consider the possibility that MI5 was trying to contact you. Otherwise...well you blew up, there is no “otherwise.”
Onto concrete?
Could be bad if it landed wrong but there’s a decent chance your phone is still okay. Go ahead and turn it over!
Onto grass or something soft?
Turn it over ya big baby. Unless your phone is made from bird bones (like the Moto G Meadowlark) it’s gonna be fine.
